A Mother’s Dede-cation
- Mommy Kitkat
- Aug 13, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 15, 2020
I’m now two years into my breastfeeding journey, and slowly ready to say goodbye and move on to a new chapter of my relationship with my toddler. We’ve already started day-weaning (that experience probably deserves a separate blog post in the future); but in the meantime, I’d like to look back and share some important life lessons I learned these past two years of being a cow... I mean milk machine… I mean a breastfeeding moo-ma... I mean mama.
My worth as a mother is not measured by the ounces of milk I produce.
I can’t tell you how many times I stared at my pump bottles WHILE pumping, feeling frustrated with myself for only being able to get 1-2 ounces, and then rejoicing when I could express more per session. Sometimes my milk stash would run low and I would feel like a complete failure for feeling like I couldn’t keep up with my baby’s demand.
Little by little I had to come to the realization that I really was just trying to do the best I could, and whatever I could give my baby was enough. That I was enough.
I need to stop comparing myself to other moms.
It was so easy for me to criticize my own body--Bakit ang manas ko parin? Why can’t I look like those moms I see on social media? Why do they look so glamorous, habang ako mukhang haggard 24/7? Why was she able to lose the pregnancy weight so quickly? How come this mom can fill up an entire freezer with her milk bags?
Then, I hit reset and remember that I grew a human inside me, and birthed him! And now I am actually providing the sole nourishment to keep him alive. Really, my body is amazing; and even if I didn’t look like any of those gorgeous mommas on Instagram, that was okay too. My baby was happy and well-fed, and to him I was a super mama.
It's tiring AF.
I literally felt drained all the time. I was always thirsty and hungry. I was forever on puyat mode, just catching up on building my milk stash.
I went back to work after my 60-day maternity leave and incorporated my whole life into my pumping schedule--pumping during meetings, field work, out-of-town events and conventions, lugging my huge pump bag EVERYWHERE I went.
(Side kwento: In April 2019, we experienced a strong earthquake and the entire office building had to evacuate. I only grabbed 2 things before the evacuation: my phone [so I could call my mom ask about my baby] and of course my pump bag with all the milk I expressed for the day. Haha!)
I was exhausted, but I was also extremely blessed to have a husband, family and teammates who were incredibly understanding and supportive of my journey.
Breastfeeding is incredibly humbling and fulfilling.
My body was not mine. It answered to my child – whatever he needed. If it meant feeding every 2 hours, or cluster feeding, or having to pump anywhere and everywhere when I wasn’t with my baby, I had to give myself up for the time being because this little person needed me to live. I can’t even begin to put into words that feeling of love and comfort. It’s out of this world.
FED IS BEST.
Yes, I am a breastfeeding advocate; but I also celebrate other moms’ journeys of mixed feeding, formula feeding, etc. At the end of the day, we all do the best we can with the circumstances we are given.
My breastfeeding experience, like most moms, is filled with joy, challenges and actual tears. (Whoever said "don't cry over spilled milk" clearly has never accidentally knocked over a bottle of freshly pumped breast milk. It IS worth crying over!) After everything I have been through until this point, I wouldn’t change a thing. After all, I’m dede-cated to this. :)
We recognize August as National Breastfeeding Month and your Tribe is here to support you through the latching issues, clogged milk ducts & mastitis, pumping sessions to build your stash, on-demand feeds, and everything in between.
We acknowledge that not all moms choose this path, and others are not as fortunate to breastfeed even if they wanted to. We celebrate them as well.
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