The Way to get them to Obey is PLAY

My daughter is at the age (3, almost 4) where she can already understand what I’m saying. I know she understands because she can explain it herself as well.

This makes it very frustrating when she doesn’t do what she’s supposed to, even if I’ve communicated its importance.

I get so impatient whenever it’s time for her night time routine (pee, bathe, brush teeth, wear pajamas) and she runs away or shouts “No!”

I bombard her with talk, things like:

“I know you still want to do that activity, but it’s way past your bedtime, your brain needs sleep to grow.”

“But we do this every day! Let’s go.”

“You have to pee, or we might get into a potty accident!”

“We have to brush your teeth so the germs will go away and you won’t get cavities!”

Time passes, and she is relentless with her escape attempts, my patience grows thin, and then, amidst nonstop screams and her cries as if she’s being tortured, I use my authority and strength to get her to do what she NEEDS to do (don’t worry, I don’t hurt her, I just bathe her normally, but it’s against her will so she’s crying).

It all ends, and we get to bed, but looking at her face and sobs makes me realize it’s not what I want to do again.

What has consistently worked, but something that I keep forgetting or disregarding, is the power of PLAY.

Sometimes, all it takes is a simple element of imagination or play… and miraculously, the response is instant!

Every child is different, so we have to see what works for each one. In my daughter’s case, she is naturally competitive, so the words, “Let’s race!” always gets her to do what she has to (drink water, dress herself up etc.)

Sometimes, I just wear an owl mask and she has fun following instructions from the owl. Sometimes I give instructions from a stuffed toy. Other times she likes to pretend to be a dog and so I have to act like I’m her human, “here doggie, off to the shower!” Or I make her the protagonist of the story and she does what she needs to do to save the day!

Sometimes, it’s incorporating something fun into the routine.

“Want to give your toys a bath?” and I set up a swimming pool for her toys in the shower.

Explanations are still essential to aid their understanding. Validating their feelings is important too.

It can get really frustrating because we know that they already understand. They seem smart enough to just be told what to do.

But we have to remember that they are still kids. Their brains are kids’ brains. And kids love to play!