If You Only Knew: A Letter to my Pre-breastfeeding Self

Dear Soon-to-be-Momma,

I know you’re filled with anxiety, and you try to bury that anxiety with practice (of breathing techniques) and more studying about labor and delivery. Try to relax. You’ll do well (all things considered), and soon, you’ll be holding the most beautiful red, bald, alien-looking baby girl in your arms. The feeling is indescribable so I’ll just let you go through it.

Buuut, I hate to break this to you — you missed something important in your preparations

You forgot about breastfeeding.

I know you KNOW about it. You’ve seen dogs do it, and cats and pigs and of course, cows. A few times you’ve seen humans nurse their babies. Admit it — you thought it’d be easy and instinctual.

For some, maybe. But for you, not so much. You’ll be so clueless as to how to stick her on. She’ll keep turning her head and refusing to latch. Fear not! There is a kind woman in pink (a nurse trained in lactation) who will approach you.

She’ll guide you as you touch the side of the baby’s mouth, and as it opens, she’ll help swoop your baby onto the boob. And there your baby goes, sucking away as you cradle her. I get sentimental again just thinking about it.

So off you’ll go, “sticking her on”, not wanting to ask for help anymore. Haaay. If you only knew.

Do you feel the pain? The pain that’s waaay more than mild discomfort? The pain that you’re ignoring and assuming as normal? Have your latch checked. The pain might not be normal at all.

(Disclaimer: Each mom and baby is unique — size and shape of nipple, hormones, size of mouth of baby, lip-tie — there’s so more possible factors involved than what I can mention. This is just my own experience and should not be taken as medical advice.)

Apparently, there’s some mechanics involved in getting a comfortable latch than just “sticking her on”.

There’s an angle for the baby’s body; there’s the asymmetrical latch (where the nipple is pointing up to the roof of the baby’s mouth. She’ll have more of the areola in her mouth at the chin side than the nose side), and the lips that should be turned outward like a fish.

It’s worth it to invest time in getting a good latch to avoid unnecessary excruciating pain.

But knowing you, you won’t reach out and ask for advice. One nipple will bleed. The other will be very sore. You’ll call for your savior, the kind woman in pink, and beg her for mercy.

Please! Give me some milk! I cannot do this anymore!

NO! she’ll say (kindly). The bad news is that you’ll have to deal with painful nipples. Magtitiis ka for three weeks (the painful part is when she latches so take a deep breath. When she starts sucking, it won't hurt so much) The good news is that it will get better.

Don’t give up! Rest the bleeding nipple for a while (put breastmilk — it has healing properties). As for the sore one, try the “football hold”. It’s angled differently and so it avoids the sore spots.

Use LOTS of pillows to stay comfy! Feeding her will take up SO MUCH of your time.

I’m so excited for you to discover the side-lying position. It’s great for getting some much needed rest while you breastfeed.

You’ll get the hang of it. The baby will learn too.

Medyo mahirap pala sa simula. Kaya pala may mga seminar and support groups dedicated to breastfeeding.

Listen to the stories of other moms. Some may have it easy, others not. Some had the intention but lacked the support and access to hands-on help. Some had to face the challenge of being separated from their babies after birth and had to build their milk supply by pumping around the clock. Some will express their frustrations at feeling insufficient because of their milk supply.

Encourage and support one another. Honor each other’s unique journey.

Let me talk about your boobs — your boobs which always seemed insignificant and barely there... are actually amazing, sometimes monstrous, productive machinery.

On day one, there will only be a little milk. This is normal. That’s called colostrum - a small amount is enough to fill your baby’s calamansi-sized stomach.

But wait. Just wait (and keep breastfeeding). Because that milk WILL flow.

Only a little bit of milk in the beginning

Collecting letdown milk with a Haakaa pump

Already filling it up! (I love the Haakaa so much)

You will suddenly become so engorged. What's happening!? Your boobs will become hard as rocks, then you’ll see fiery streaks of red. These are clogged ducts, possibly mastitis. That was the worst feeling ever — being hot with fever and shivering with chills.

You’ll have many questions — is it okay to keep feeding her like this? (the answer is yes but ask a lactation specialist if you’re really unsure) What should I do? Go get a warm compress or take a hot shower. Empty your breasts.

(Note: your husband will cover you up in a blanket and hug you. He claims to this day that this heroic act is what made the chills finally stop. Just thank him for the support.)

Oh, and when you go out to get your cousin’s electric breast pump, PLEASE bring an extra shirt. Your milk will leak and soak through your whole shirt.

Don’t worry, this period will pass and your milk supply will normalize.

The universe probably sensed how unprepared you are and so... your mommy friend will invite you last-minute to the Annual Baby Shower hosted by the Breastfeeding Club at the Parenting Emporium. GO!!! In the raffle, you will win a "cake" made of baby goodies. Right on top is a big box of Mega-Malunggay! This can enhance your milk supply.

Claiming my prize. Beside me is Ms. Abbie Yabot, Certified Lactation Counselor & Parenting Educator

You have a tendency to eat too little. Please eat more!

Apparently, breastfeeding can burn 500 calories a day. So don’t starve yourself and eat healthy.

I know you are conservative, but feeding your baby is of utmost priority! Lift your shirt up and pop open your bra. It’s okay to breastfeed in public.

I remember the times you would hide in the restroom to feed or pump.

It’s a good thing that you’ll meet up with your mom tribe. You’ll see them just feeding in public like it’s nobody’s business. Oh, yes, pwede pala.

I know, you’re shy. Just use nursing covers if you’re not ready yet.

But soon, you’ll get comfortable and confident. You’ll stop bringing that cover. Good for you! (invest in some good nursing bras and shirts that cover well. We still need nursing stations and diaper changing areas though)

Breastfeeding in the restaurant. The soup is getting cold.

Feeding in the airplane. It helped keep her calm.

Multitasking. This is NOT comfy for the baby though.

You have a long journey ahead of you.

I wrote this letter to tell you the things I wish you knew before you started breastfeeding.

I wish you prepared more — there are classes and YouTube videos. I wish you ate better. Also, I wish you made more effort to donate milk while your supply was bountiful.

I might add a hundred more things to the list, so I'll end it here.

Before I go, I want to tell you that I'm proud of you.

In spite of not having all the answers, you embarked on the journey. In spite of the struggles, you kept moving and learning.

Your mind may play tricks on you in the moment. But let me give you the future perspective — you are doing well.

Love,

Your Future Momma-Self

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Your Tribe is here to support you through the latching issues, clogged milk ducts & mastitis, pumping sessions to build your stash, on-demand feeds, and everything in between. 

We acknowledge that not all moms choose this path, and others are not as fortunate to breastfeed even if they wanted to. We celebrate them as well. 

Regardless of what journey  you are on, while you are taking care of your little one, don’t forget to take care of yourselves, too. :)